I read in yesterday’s news that a “shocked and hurt Conservative party” was trying to understand what went so wrong in their recent campaign. I have to confess, I am disturbed and even offended that a major political party could be so stupid as to fail to understand what went wrong when it’s so blatantly obvious. To me, it indicates the pathological, amoral nature of Canada’s current crop of Conservative leaders. As in, if you gave these clowns an ethics test, they’d not only fail but be stumped.
*** *** ***
Examiner: “Is it wrong to take candy from a baby?”
Conservative: “Hmmm, well . . . who’s baby is it? You know, that matters. And would the baby notice? I mean, if no one notices a crime, maybe it’s not a crime. Hmm . . . maybe we could make the baby sign a nondisclosure agreement. Hey! Don’t look at me like that. It’s all legal! And if it isn’t, we’ll change the law!”
*** *** ***
So, what went wrong with the Conservative bid for power?
1. Politics of division: The Conservatives introduced Canada to American-style attack ads and tactics of inciting division between people and groups.
2. Politics of hate: A hotline to report “barbaric cultural practices.” Seriously? Sounds a little USSR-style KGB to me.
3. The niqab? I don’t like it either, but really, that red herring was pathetic.
4. Ordering Conservative candidates not to attend debates. Listen, Harper–you lying sack of fertilizer–Canadians aren’t stupid. We want to know what our candidates stand for. Ordering them not to talk told us all we needed to know.
5. Suppression of science: Yeah, Harper and Conservatives, Canadians noticed. The world noticed. We weren’t happy. Science isn’t a political tool. It’s a tool for humanity.
6. Secret agendas. I and many others take great pride in having leaked that the Harper administration was quietly ordering environmental investigators not to investigate Big Corporate environmental violations.
7. Legal manipulation. Conservatives, yeah, we noticed you were quietly trying to change the rules to give yourselves more power. And we noticed you were changing the rules to allow Big Corporations to do more harm.
8. Rob Ford. Well, that was a walking-talking disaster all unto itself. When the PM is siding with a crackhead, Canadians notice.
9. Threatening academics. Like the suppression of science fiasco, when you’re quietly threatening university professors not to relate the facts “or else”, Canadians notice.
10. Spending tens of millions of taxpayer dollars on ads to promote yourselves, run your campaigns and disinform the public. Conservative Party, can you say “narcissism”? Now, look up the definition and put “I” before each point.
11. Countless violations of human rights. I cite the arrests of hundreds of peaceful protesters around the country for the crime of peacefully protesting.
12. Remember the G-20 summit and the hundreds of millions you wasted prettying up the city to impress the world’s elite? Yeah, we Canadians noticed. We also noticed how you treated those protesting your actions and how you pampered the elite. You made it clear where your priorities were and we found you very greasy. And that’s putting it mildly.
13. Oligarchy. Yeah, Conservatives, we noticed what you are all about, and we Canadians said, No, money is not god. You’d think Harper, with his ostensible born again background, might have also figured out money is not god. But he didn’t. It really shows what you’re all about. We Canadians would rather a compassionate country than the very richest country. Just as a note, countless quantified studies indicate beyond doubt that a life spent in pursuit of money leads to a profound lack of happiness.
14. You spat on veterans. Yeah, we Canadians care about what happens to those who defend our country.
Conclusion: Hasta la bye-bye, and may we never see your ilk again.